This is definitely going to be a journal style entry because I have so much to process and well, this is my personal blog and you like that I do life updates here so we are going with it!
I mentioned on Instagram that I had an ectopic pregnancy and the response that I got was unbelievable. I am so grateful that you all care so much to reach out. I never share things for sympathy. I actually hold it all in and only share with close friends and my family until I can share more broadly and finish bad news with, ‘and now I am on the other side and thriving’. Anyone else? I just figure everyone has SO much going on, especially right now when there is so much devastation in the world; I never want to say ‘oh but look at how hard my life is’ because there is so much sadness already and I really just want to bring joy.
On that note, THANK YOU for sharing your love and stories with me. This happens in 1% of pregnancies and I did feel alone when it happened to us. It meant a lot to read messages of love and support and I’m sending love to those who are or have gone through this as well.
The purpose of this post is not to talk about ectopic pregnancies or my experience (although I will write all about that if it would be helpful to others) but I did want to cover some perspectives I had and things I learned going through this. Not as a doctor, just as a woman who went through it and yes, came out the other side with a fresh perspective… a little emotionally banged up, but stronger than ever.
We aren’t in control. This seems like a no-brainer, but as someone who always had a plan for everything specifically: nutrition, training and traveling to see friends and family, this was a big lesson. The day I was treated, I was told I can’t do any of that because there was still risk of rupture, and I feel fortunate it was only a 6-week rest because that was a brutal but necessary little lesson in sitting still and letting go.
Bodies need breaks. I’ve decided that maybe my body was saying if you are not going to take a break, I am going to make you and I learned to trust it now.
We are all intuitive. The day after I took the positive pregnancy test, I knew something wasn’t right. It’s hard to tell your Western-medicine focused doctor ‘this just isn’t right’ and get taken seriously when you have no major symptoms, so I bypassed them and went to the ER where I was treated for what could be a life-threatening complication. I am so grateful we caught it early and I was so proud of my intuition for keeping me safe. I trust my intuition more now.
If you don’t know what to say, you can do something. I’ve never had a miscarriage and when a friend would suffer through one, I would struggle to find words that might be healing and empathetic. Having gone through it, I still don’t know what to say, but I do know that for me, acts of kindness were incredibly healing. I got long, tight hugs from those I could tell in person. I’m talking 8 seconds or more. It felt amazing to be held longer than we normally do. I got flowers, a facial and massage and it felt really good to get taken care of and to let myself do that. Huge thank you to my friends and husband who took care of me physically when there was nothing that could be said. I feel more prepared to help friends who go through this type of loss now that I know how it feels.
Wearing:
